Reunions
by Lady Merlin
Summary: I find it strange that the Fowl's are a threeplusplus person family. Shouldn't they have more? And what is the deep dark secret Mr. and Mrs. Fowl have kept from Arty all these years? What's this about rabbits? Not a funnystupidfic. Quite plausible.
1. Chapter 1

Er, something tells me that Artemis is unique. That we all know, but perhaps he in unique within his family as well. How is it possible that the Fowl Family has no relations? No grandparents, no cousins, no sister and no aunts-twice-removed? Well. I think they do. Here is the skeleton.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I no own,

You no sue!

"Artemis Dawhling, come down here!" Artemis' mother called him.

Artemis shut his computer and walked downstairs without a word. "Yes Mother?" he asked quietly, in his recently deepened voice.

"Arty! Baby, come here, give mama a hug!" she exclaimed.

Artemis kept quiet and hugged her tight.

"Now Mother, I did what you want, now tell me. What seems to be the problem?"

"Arty, why would you think there's a problem?" his mother said in a false wounded voice.

"Artemis, here's the deal. Every decade, the Fowl family holds a family reunion. We take turns amongst the family, so most of the time, we wait some hundred years before it's our turn. Well. It's our turn." His father intercepted.

Artemis wasn't daunted. "No problem. How big can the Fowl family be? I know we only have some 4 relatives in the whole of Ireland."

"Well, that's the thing. It's global. Fowls from all over the world will be coming here."

"I see. What is the magnitude of this, so-called reunion?" Artemis asked, feeling worried.

There was a momentary pause. His father looked shifty. He cleared his throat. "Seven hundred twenty six."

Artemis felt light headed. "Dear God save us all." He sighed and spun smartly on his heel.

"Artemis!" his father called. "Don't go!"

"Yes?" Artemis inquired.

"What do you feel?"

"Me? Do you really want to know?" his father nodded. "I wonder if the Fowls have anything else to do than reproduce?!" Artemis growled, sounding angry. "Now, if you don't mind. I have to go take care of a certain security problem. Might I inquire the date?"

"Er, yeah. About that. We want you to take on this responsibility to plan it. it is a rare honour. It's on 30 December."

"That's 2 weeks away." Artemis said, dryly, hoping it wouldn't get worse.

"We know."

Artemis made something that sounded like a groan. "If you want a well planned reunion, I suggest you leave me alone."

"Anything Arty!" His mother interrupted.

"Wonderful. Now, please do excuse me. I will be available on my handphone. Do not call me down for anything, unless someone's died, or there's a fire."

He walked away, wondering what he had done to deserve this.

Well? REVIEW OR DIE BY PINK HAMSTERS!!!

Love,

Lady Merlin.

P.S. Just to say, 726 isn't an unreasonable number. In some weddings, there are over a thousand people on the guest list!


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chappie 2. I own no one.

The days flew away and it was soon two days before the party. The illusive Artemis Fowl the Second appeared from his lair, for the first time in almost two weeks.

His suit was in a state of immaculate perfection, so was his hair. The only sign that he hadn't seen daylight in almost two weeks was his skin. Which was now paler than normal. Which is saying something.

His mother jumped up. "Dawhling! How are you?" she asked, somewhat concerned. To her eyes, he looked slimmer than usual.

"I'm fine mother. Though the next time you require me to plan _anything, __**ANYTHING, **_for the love of God, tell me in advance." Artemis said, violently.

"Of course, dawhling!" his mother exclaimed.

"Now, look here. I have planned everything, the catering, the help, the gifts, the plans the dances and all the other stuff you can think of. The only problem I have come across, is your clothing, which seems slightly eccentric at times…"

"What? When?"

"Like, when you wore that horrible frilly pink thing at that cocktail party," Artemis said calmly.

"Minerva said it looks _gorgeous _on me!"

"Minerva also thinks that dark green looks good with shocking pink."

"Okay. I shall never take advice from her again."

"For that purpose," Artemis continued as if he hadn't heard her, "I have planned your outfits for the full duration, which I take is around a month. Correct?"

"How did you know?"

"Do not question, simply accept."

"Show me my dresses!" his mother cried.

"Mary, bring out my Mother's wardrobe, please."

A young-ish maid brought out a full rack.

It was covered if elegant gowns in beautiful pastel colours and basics like black, blue and red. Some of them, designer, some of them on the border of designer, all of them, stunning.

"I love you Arty."

"I know."

Not too bad, right? Tell me in a review! Or I shall set the pink hamsters on you!!

Love,

Lady Merlin.


	3. Chapter 3

I own no one.

The day came. Everything was ready. The Fowl family (Our beloved unit of three, only) sat on the couch, waiting.

_Ding Dong_

Artemis jumped. "Butler, I assume you know the plans as well as I do."

"Of course, Artemis."

"Good luck, Dom."

"You too." He took a deep breath. "And now, we go to war."

I know, lameness galore, but it's supposed to be suspenseful. SO BE SUSPENSED ALREADY.

Love,

Lady Merlin.

Oh yeah. REVIEW OR DIE BY CRACKBERRY!!!

Trust me, you don't wanna know what that's supposed to mean.


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